I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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