I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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