Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
