You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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