I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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