Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
