What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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