Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
