maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
