i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
