I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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