we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
