Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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