i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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