have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
