If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
