I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
