There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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