mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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