did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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