just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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