He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
