Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
