We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
