i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
