the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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