why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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