Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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