I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
