it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
