I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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