Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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