Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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