I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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