Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
