I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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