i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
