Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
