She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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