I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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