had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
