you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
