the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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