i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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