Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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