Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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