He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
