Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
