suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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