I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
