All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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