so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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