I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
