dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
