I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
