Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
