I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
