yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
