Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
