Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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