i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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