I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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