Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
