Even the bartender felt bad for me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
