i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You can't special order awesome
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
