I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
