if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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